H.M

If you were one of the 3 people who read my previous posts you will know that i'm currently unemployed. Un-em-ployed..... it's such an ugly word that conjures up pictures of a slightly short rugged man with an incredibly soft wimpery voice standing outside the church you were going into, asking for money because he hasn't eaten in 2 days and someone stole his blankets. I know, what a genius? Lets put the Christians to the test, I love it. Needless to say he totally had me at blankets, so I flailed round in my bag for what seemed like eternity, gathered my coins (while at the same hiding the notes) and handed him his next meal.

Anyway in order to make myself feel better and to distance myself from the picture described above, I'm searching for a better job description than unemployed. I've run through the usual suspects, in-between jobs, seeking employment, without work etc but they are all so negative and blah. So I now find myself at roadblock, and the roadblock is in the form of this question.

Do you have to have offspring to call yourself a homemaker?.... a home executive if you will?

You see in those titles it doesn't say anything about offspring, not even in the original, now shied away from term houewife. From what I can gather it is all about getting on with the work that involves running the home. And thats what i'm doing. This week alone I have bought the groceries, made all the evening meals, washed all the dishes, tidied the bathroom, kitchen and the rest of the house. It's tough work.

I think homemaker has a nice ring to it. People could address me as 'Homemaker Wiseman' just like if I was a doctor I would be addressed 'Dr Wiseman'. I could make it all official by donning the coveted uniform of the Polar fleece wind breaker, ¾ pants and asics sneakers, which says “I'm not exercising but I could be” and “I'm on a serious mission, please take care not to get in my way” I could even sign off all my emails and correspondence with:

R.S. Wiseman
Homemaker

Thats does seem to be the craze these days, letting everyone know what your job description is with a fancy automated signature at the end of every email. I haven't quite worked out why. It seems a strange thing to do as I would imagine most people you email would probably know what you do already, and if not and it was important they knew you could write something along the lines of. "Hi Janice, i'm a homemaker.........." I was thinking we could take it a step further and add other equally interesting information:

R.S. Wiseman
Homemaker, Shops at Sainsburies. Prefers Coke to Sepsi. Scrunches toilet paper.

Any-who, back to the topic, no longer would I have to be unemployed, I could hold my head high, stand proud because I am doing an unpaid job, a job of love, the Lords work, which some say is the hardest work of all. Now I can hear all you other homemakers out there saying “just make sure you find time for yourself, you don't want to get burnt out” Thanks fellow H.M's, I am. Why just the other day I took the day off and perused the central London shops, even found the time to enjoy a nice hot chocolate in a cafe to unwind a little. You other H.M's will know what i'm talking about right? Admittedly I was a little late getting dinner on the table that night but Alisha understood, and if she didn't we would have had a talk about our various roles and discussed how they are equally important, and how I don't like being taken for granted.

It's early days yet but I imagine if I keep this up I will connect with other Homemakers and we could 'catch up' during the week and off load onto each other, cause it's one of those career paths that only other homemakers could truly understand the trials and tribulations, and I think it's important to network.

So I think I have answered my question, until further notice I am officially a homemaker, a Househusband, a Home executive. I will let you know if there are any changes. Until then I best be off, lasts nights dishes aren't going to wash themselves.....ahhhh a homemakers work is never finished.

R.S. Wiseman
Homemaker, Shoe size: 9. Favourite program: In the night Garden

"where's mummy?"

With our new/first ever weekly budget in mind, I made my way to the local supermarket 'Sainsburys' to take care of the weekly shop. Fantastic, easily enough done one thinks. So I strolled to Sainsburys armed with my lengthy shopping list ready to take action. I proceeded to the trolley area which to my annoyance involved making my way through the myriad of middle aged mums, all wearing ¾ pants, (which we all know are stunning) trying to put their trolleys away while at the same time prying one offspring from the trolley and stopping the other from running out the door. Madness!! Sainsburys should employ a 'shopping with kids Tuesday' policy where as the title suggests children under the age of 18 are only allowed in the supermarket on Tuesdays, perfect. And Yes, I hear all the parents saying “well you obviously don't have kids” and “just wait until you have children.” well you're right, I don't have kids, and when I do I will “Know all about it” however I don't need to have children to know that ¾ pants are just wrong.

After a few internal rolls of the eyes I made it to the trolley area only to find I had to pay 1 pound to use the trolley, hang on....wait a minute..... I thought supermarkets wanted folks to come in and buy stuff. Well that 1 pound (which I later found out was refunded once you returned the trolley, some security thing) wasn't in the budget, so I had to resort to fitting the weekly shop into a carry basket which was free to use, and much easier to steal.

I made my way round the various isles sticking strictly to shopping list, feeling quite proud of myself for the achievement. (When the highlight of your day is getting dressed, the benchmark for achievement is quite low) Apart from the initial shaky start and a few “oh you go...no i'll go...oh you go..no i'll go” situations, it had been a good shop. However my good shop soon turned interesting/annoying.

A crazy loud scream erupted from the lungs of a child behind me, followed then by a laugh “haha” and then another scream, and another laugh. This kid wasn't hurt he was just having fun. Instantly I was really annoyed, his scream ripped straight through me, I could feel my ear drums adjusting to counteract his aural onslaught. I wanted to hold him down and scream in his ears, but I knew that would probably cause trouble with him being only about 4 and me being 28 so I did it my mind, oh yes, I got him back good.

So kids will be kids, and after internally teaching him a lesson I could eventually see the funny side. However what happened next literally had me standing like a possum caught in the headlights. So picture this, Kid starts screaming in supermarket, I can think that most parents would reprimand him with either a loud way over the top lecture the one that embarrasses everyone in the supermarket, or with a discrete tug of the arm and the old “wait until you get home” whisper in the ear. Both of which probably doing the trick. Not so these parents, they had a different method. Dad leisurely strolled behind the kid softly speaking his name, “Liam?”... “Liam?”.... as if he was trying to find him in a game of hide n seek. Liam of course didn't even acknowledge his existence, didn't even turn his head to make eye contact with his dad. “Alright” I thought, “so dad clearly needs a bit of coaching but mum's close by she'll know how to handle him” next thing mum in a soft inquisitive tone starts saying “liam, where's mummy?”.... “Liam, where's mummy” are you serious? “where's mummy?”..... Liam can see you! your right there in front of him asking him stupid!! It's apparent she's learnt that when a child is misbehaving, you should ask them a really stupid question and that will refocus them and change the behaviour. This would make law enforcement so much easier, “Osama, where's your nose.” I couldn't believe what I was hearing, It was like they had read 'The Holistic guide to parenting' or something to that effect, I'm no parent but I haven't seen that on Super Nannny. By the way Liams response to mum was to ignore her and carry on doing what he was doing.

Anyway I continued finishing off my shopping in total disbelief of what I had just witnessed. I got to the checkout at the same time as Marigold and Harmony, by this stage Liam had stopped with the screaming but was now ransacking the confectionary stand, you can guess how Marigold and Harmony dealt with that.

I left the store still baffled but smiling, wondering how that technique would go down at home next time Alisha and I don't see eye to eye. “Alisha, where's Rob?”.... “Alisha, where's Rob?”

In the Beginning

In this day and age it seems that everyone is creative, it's the cool thing to be. Every second person is either a photographer (and apparently a good one because they have done their friends wedding) a writer or into music. So i'm dipping my foot in the creative stream. Now I can't afford Cannons entry level SLR camera so that's professional photography off the list, however I do have a laptop (an Apple MacBook of course because i'm “creative”) and I have access to the internet so.......................... I'm starting a blog.

This is also fueled by the fact that I have recently moved from New Zealand to London with my wife (Alisha.) She, like most other self respecting adults has a job and is working. I on the other hand am unemployed and have just come back from a fascinating grocery shop and have no one to vent to, so you guys and gals are my outlet.

I don't know how long this will last, I would say i'm good at starting things, but not so good at the other end. This won't be a blog about all the great things I am seeing in the world, with lots of photos & videos. We have all seen photos of the London Eye and Big Ben, my photos are just like it (except a little further back and maybe a bit blurry cause I only have a point and shoot camera.) This will be about life experiences, observations, thoughts and rants.

So my name's Rob, and these are my ramblings.

Enjoy.